Two checks in one on two freshly drafted scenes in [redacted]: draft/…

I'll start by reading the scenes and the key reference files.

I have what I need. Findings below.

A. Facts-only consistency check

1. Who casts the seventh on Day 72 — the draft departs from canon. Draft 105: "She had cast it on herself at eight that morning… and she had got it the second time"; the whole twelve walks and the night test are Peri casting. Canon says otherwise in three places:
redacted sentence: unpublished prose
redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted.

• magic.md:200 — the record is "Peri's slate-covered figures", i.e. she is the recorder; the draft has Edwin reading the sheet and redacted calling.

Minimal fix: Edwin carries the seventh for the twelve walks and the night; Peri runs the drill (her transects, her slate over the figures, the re-run from the other direction unannounced, the pegs pulled). If instead the draft's version is wanted, it is a canon change and needs magic.md's "a man", peri.md's drill entry and the four-in-five teaching record all amended.

2. redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted in a day; redacted on the third)"* — the fastest trained farm mage takes a day. redacted sentence: unpublished prose A cross-class beginner getting the seventh on the second attempt in one morning is faster than every mage at the college. Fix follows from 1; if she must cast it here, it needs days and failures, not a morning.

3. "Nine in a hand" is said at the end of the ninth walk, and the scene's own arithmetic forbids it. 105 line 3 vs line 9: the sixth walk ended two yards short and the eighth went a yard past. Of the first nine walks at most seven can be inside a hand. Fix: move the line to the end of the twelfth ("Nine in a hand," said redacted, at the end of the twelfth), or have her say "Seven in a hand" at the ninth.

4. redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted sentence: unpublished prose Fenholt/Sennet's is measured as an advancing edge from the redacted redacted sentence: unpublished prose Fix: *"the thing on redacted redacted sentence: unpublished prose

5. redacted sentence: unpublished prose about 140 x 140 yd — lines a hundred yards apart give one interior line each way, roughly 300–560 yd of walking, minutes not an hour and a quarter. redacted sentence: unpublished prose Fix: either close the spacing ("a grid at twenty-five yards", which does make it an hour and a quarter and makes the caveat sharper) or keep 100 yd and cut the hour — but then the sheet's grid at 100 yd and canon's 220 yd both need to agree with whatever is chosen.

6. redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted sentence: unpublished prose

7. redacted's "this one's going to two hundred" is a fact from four days later. 106 line 33. redacted is not begun until the 28th (timeline.md:496), the printer's proof comes back Day 79, and "printed two hundred" is Ossett's, ch. 030 (minor.md:430-436). On the 27th nobody has a print run. Fix: "and this one's going to every college and guild hall Ossett can post it to."

8. "Twelve days" of fieldwork. Arrival at Wystow was 15 Fal (timeline.md, Day 61) and this is the 27th — thirteen days inclusive, twelve elapsed; from the first stakes (17th) it is eleven. Not wrong, but it is a counted claim in redacted's mouth: if it counts from arrival, "twelve days" is defensible; state which, or use "Since the fifteenth."

9. "of Appleford" / the blank space — consistent. edwin.md:310-314: he signs "E. Moss, of Appleford" on redacted redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted sentence: unpublished prose The 26th's blank is right, and redacted's of this college slip on the 16th (timeline.md, Day 62; scene 101 unpublished) is correctly recalled. No finding.

10. Other facts check out. Old pasture behind the west range and seed store, four dairy cows (geography.md:260-262) ✓; seed store man's "Fetch me two Mosses" (minor.md:430, and planted in scene 101 unpublished as meaning barley) ✓; nine oak stakes, sixty-one censuses, the 180-yd edge into plot 11, the filled sump, dug, nothing at the false edge, the note's contents and signature line, 19:30, 11 yd + a foot against 11, 7 yd + a hand against 7, "Moss's" as the college's own name for it, right-handed writing under the redacted, the boxing board, redacted at Ossett's — all agree with magic.md, timeline.md, silent-soil.md, edwin.md.

11. Sealed check (shape only). Both scenes are coherent with the sealed file. Nothing on the page explains the null or the plot-11 double miss; presumed sound is the sealed and canon word for exactly this result; the false edge is left with "I do not yet know why", which is the state the sealed answer requires; the owed grass control at Sennet's is named on the page as owed, not pre-empted. One caution — see finding 14 below, which is the only line that risks pre-answering it.

B. Pre-David pass

12. (Part 1 / viewpoint) "Edwin stood on the walk with the sheet he could not read and listened." Two paragraphs earlier redacted specified "with a lamp at the walk and no lamp on her" — so there is a lamp where he is standing, and the sheet is readable. Then he "heard the sheet in his own hand, which said eleven yards for stake B", which is the sheet doing what he just could not do. Fix: give the reason for not reading it — "Edwin stood on the walk with the sheet in his hand, which he did not look at, because he had the figures and looking at them would have made him want to say one, and listened."

13. (Part 2) "heard the sheet in his own hand, which said eleven yards for stake B". A sheet is not among the things he hears; the sentence is a five-clause "he heard" chain that drags a non-sound into it. Fix: break it — *"…heard redacted redacted sentence: unpublished prose

14. (Part 1) "It's there. It's dull. It's like Sennet's grass." Two flat restatements and I cannot choose: (a) the sensation is as dull as standing about in Sennet's grass, (b) the seventh reads Sennet's grass this way — which would pre-answer the owed grass control (silent-soil.md:644) and, on the page, is a claim she cannot make since nobody has cast it there. Fix: cut the third sentence, or ground the comparison in something she has felt: *"It's there. It's dull. redacted sentence: unpublished prose

15. (Part 1 / clock) The pegs are pulled half an hour before redacted said to. "Pull the pegs… At half past seven, when it's dark" / *"redacted redacted sentence: unpublished prose All nine. redacted sentence: unpublished prose

16. (Part 1 / wrong noun) "They dug it… with the census spade." The census is a spell; there is no census spade in canon. Fix: "with the spade off the census stations" or simply "with redacted's spade" (he fetched and dug the sump himself in 103).

17. (Part 4) "'Dig it,' said redacted." A bare imperative aimed at Edwin. redacted.md:230-232 reserves bare imperatives for redacted; redacted redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted. redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted had bet her she could not"* — a wager is a warmer man than the page has yet shown; "because redacted had said, mildly, that he did not believe anybody could" costs nothing and stays in register.

18. (Part 5 / redacted) The closing tally is three separate register violations. "That's the fieldwork, then. Twelve days. Nine stakes, sixty-one holes, a sump, a false edge, a seventh, twelve walks, two lines in the dark, and a null with a word under it." redacted redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted redacted sentence: unpublished prose It is also the Part 5 recitation-that-should-be-conversation. redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted sentence: unpublished prose

19. (VOICE §2 / Part 2) 105 carries three narrator buttons where the budget is one.

• "because a test on known ground is a test of the instrument and the person carrying it and not of the ground" — this one is the keeper: it is mechanism, it is placed where the work is, and it earns the scene.
  redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted sentence: unpublished prose
• "because a space a man had decided to leave was a different thing from a space he had not noticed, and he had decided, and could say so if asked." An epigram closing the scene like a bow, and it also explains a beat that was already clear from him sitting with the pen up. Fix: end on the act and the reason in plain form — "…and folded the note into the grey book with the space still there. He would know what to put in it or he would not, and either way the space was his." If even that reads as a cadence, stop at "folded the note into the grey book with the space still there."

20. (Part 2) 106's closer withholds a reason both characters have. "…and Peri laughed, once, the first time Edwin had heard her laugh since the fen, and did not explain why, and he did not ask." Scene 101 unpublished already told the reader that "two Mosses" means barley, so there is no mystery to keep; the narration is manufacturing one, and "did not explain why, and he did not ask" is a withholding button of exactly the kind the act-two verdict was about. The "since the fen" count is also asserted, not shown. redacted sentence: unpublished prose

21. redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted sentence: unpublished prose

22. redacted sentence: unpublished prose The word under it… It's a figure for how wrong you might be."* The clipped antithesis and the two closing epigrams are Edwin's construction in her mouth; her engine is conviction and working-out, and her own register is the enumerated observation (nine weeks of sheets, every figure with a how beside it since Cornmonth), which the speech already has. Fix: keep the observation, drop one of the two epigrams. redacted sentence: unpublished prose

23. redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted sentence: unpublished prose Edwin wrote that down too."*

24. (SCENES.md act-three binding list) "No scene ends on writing more than one in three" — 103, 104 and 105 all end on writing. 103 ends on Peri writing the attempts line, 104 on her writing the facing page, 105 on the note folded into the grey book. Three consecutive. 105 is the one to move: end it on the man and the space rather than the page (see 19), or end the scene on him putting the pen down and the stove, and let the note itself carry into 106.

25. (Density) because runs five times in each scene, and three of 106's five are in one sentence (line 27: "did not say it, because she was right, and because it was the last morning…"). Fix: recast the second as a full stop — *"He did not say it. redacted sentence: unpublished prose

Clean on: em dashes (the only one in each file is the title), dialect (no "I'll not", no "wants doing", no nonstandard forms, no "nought"), openings (105 on speech, 106 on the cows — neither is NAME+verb+TIME), negative parallelism (three "not X, Y" constructions across the two scenes, all doing real work: "not of the ground", "Not sound. Presumed.", "Not the null."), and length (1,237 and 983 words).

The device a second round would be about: the twelve-walk tally itself — the scene reports the count three times (redacted's call, the enumerated ninth/sixth/eighth/eleventh paragraph, and the note's contents) and a reader is asked to hold the arithmetic across all three. Fixing finding 3 makes it consistent; making it work means letting the failures carry the scene and the count be said once, at the end, by whoever writes it down.

New facts

Facts these two scenes put on the page that canon does not yet record, for backfill after acceptance (assuming findings 1–8 are resolved first, since several would change them):

• The plot-11 false edge was dug on 26 Fal, after the twelfth walk, with chalk and a flint found and nothing else, and written on the sheet as dug, nothing with a box drawn round it — the first of a class of box on that sheet. (silent-soil.md currently records only "dug afterwards and nothing found".)
  redacted sentence: unpublished prose New notation, belongs in magic.md or the census/stake-protocol notes.
• The night test's staging: pegs pulled by redacted redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted, pegs replaced by lamplight afterwards with a disagreement about stake B settled by the sheet.
  redacted sentence: unpublished prose
  redacted sentence: unpublished prose
  redacted sentence: unpublished prose This is a durable Peri artefact and should go in peri.md alongside the four-site sheet and the middle column.
  redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted learning the seventh there in ch. 030 and the two uses should agree.