Run the pre-David pass exactly as specified in [redacted][redacted]…

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2026-09-02

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Run the pre-David pass exactly as specified in redacted redacted sentence: unpublished prose unpublished, 111-fifty-six-days.md unpublished, 112-seen-and-not-read.md unpublished. Scene 111 unpublished redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted.md (never an opinion on the Seal; attests; no verdict tails), edwin.md (no anaphora at peaks; one aphorism a scene), notes/premise.md (Edwin never romantically linked to Peri: zero ambiguity — read the reckoning speech with that rule in front of you and flag any line that could be read otherwise), and scenes 105–109 for context. redacted sentence 'It's done nothing because you've done everything' is a balanced pair with a verdict: flag and propose; 'I'm not sorry. redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted redacted sentence: unpublished prose Nothing.') — the right size? his 'both of you have the same figure' line — button?; redacted's accounts speech and the chart sum (a warden doing day arithmetic aloud — the narration flags it: gloss?); Peri's Level 10 speech (a list of levels — counted template?); Edwin's entry under the twenty-first (is the narration explaining what the entry means, or reporting it?); 112's opening (announces? 'and did not read it' as the scene's engine); 112's redacted redacted sentence: unpublished prose the knot count; 'forty-six days' for the entry; Ossett's boy's page: R. Shore's letter summarised — legible?); clocks. STRICT: never read chapters/, rewrite/, draft/book-01/rejected-act2/, summaries/, or plans/book-01/arc-0*.md, unpublished or their git history. Report numbered findings with the quoted line, the fault, and a proposed replacement. Do not edit any file.

I'll start by reading the skill and the binding docs.

38 tool calls

🔧 Read .claude/skills/pre-david-pass/SKILL.md

🔧 Read draft/book-01/VOICE.md

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🔧 Bash: redacted sentence: unpublished prose unpublished redacted sentence: unpublished prose…

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🔧 Bash: tail -120 draft/book-01/SCENES.md && echo ==== && cat notes/canon/characters/peri.md

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🔧 Bash: cat notes/canon/characters/redacted.md && echo ====PREMISE && cat notes/premise.md

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🔧 Bash: redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted.md notes/premise.md && grep -n "never ap…

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🔧 Bash: cd redacted; grep -n "antithes\|aphorism\|mirror\|checks words\|counts\b\|false start\|…

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🔧 Bash: cd redacted; sed -n 380,400p notes/canon/characters/peri.md; sed -n 520,560p notes/cano…

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🔧 Bash: cd redacted; grep -n "anaphora\|aphorism" notes/canon/characters/edwin.md | head -30; e…

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🔧 Bash: cd redacted; sed -n 155,215p notes/canon/characters/redacted.md; echo ---; sed -n 235…

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🔧 Bash: cd redacted; sed -n 500,560p notes/canon/characters/edwin.md; sed -n 745,775p notes/can…

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🔧 Bash: cd redacted; for f in 110-the-seventieth-entry 111-fifty-six-days 112-seen-and-not-read…

🔧 Bash: cd redacted; grep -n -i "romantic\|Peri" notes/premise.md | head -40; echo "=== wordcou…

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🔧 Bash: cd redacted; grep -rn "Saltmonth\|month.*30 days\|calendar" notes/canon/world/*.md | he…

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🔧 Bash: cd redacted; sed -n 1,90p notes/canon/world/timeline.md

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🔧 Bash: cd redacted; cat draft/book-01/scenes/10[5-9]*.md

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🔧 Bash: cd redacted; grep -n "knot\|redacted\|redacted\|Ossett\|nineteenth\|two fingers" dr…

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🔧 Bash: cd redacted; grep -rn "redacted" draft/book-01/ notes/canon/ | grep -v "11[2-8]" | he…

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🔧 Bash: cd redacted; grep -n "^| 8[5-9] \|^| 9[0-2] " draft/book-01/SCENES.md

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I have everything I need. Findings below.

Findings — scenes 110, 111, 112

Ordered Part 1 first. Scene numbers in brackets.

1. [111, and 110's dependents] The knot count is four days wrong, in two mouths. "I've watched you for eighty-two days" / *"Eighty-two days. redacted sentence: unpublished prose unpublished runs Days 85–86 (9–10 Saltmonth, which the scene's own dates confirm). Scene 88 unpublished fixes the convention — day 46, knot "Forty-six days." So the figure on 10 Saltmonth is eighty-six, not eighty-two (82 is scene 110 unpublished's opening day). Part 1, counts. Replace both with "Eighty-six days" / "I've watched you for eighty-six days".

  1. [111] redacted redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted sentence: unpublished prose Fix by moving redacted's date to the fourteenth, or her count to fifty-seven — not both.

3. [111] "Fifty-six days. I count them." — what is being counted is unrecoverable. redacted has just asked how many times she has cast it; Peri answers "Once", then later returns a day-count with no stated origin. From the cast it is 86 days; from redacted's date it is 56/57. Part 1, no flat restatement. redacted sentence: unpublished prose

  1. redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted sentence: unpublished prose

  2. [112] Edwin names redacted in the same breath as saying he cannot name where the box came from. "I've a box on a dresser from somewhere I can't name" — two clauses after "redacted's not, if redacted's anything." Part 1, self-contradiction; and per SCENES the name arrives in Sorrel's letter in 115, so this is also a reveal out of order (redacted appears nowhere earlier in the draft). Cut the word redacted from 112 entirely: "...and redacted redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted" exchange goes with it, or becomes "You keep saying the box."

6. [111] "That's the condition of the other six and I wrote it" — no antecedent for "the other six". Part 1, pronoun/reference. redacted sentence: unpublished prose

7. [111] Peri's question is not parsable as written. "When we have left the places we have been, who there will be believed about this?" Two clauses fighting; "who there" does not survive a flat restatement. redacted sentence: unpublished prose

  1. [112] redacted's date for the sword contradicts redacted redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted's arm (111). Fix to "On the twenty-first".

9. [112] "because I carry nothing" is overstated into a falsehood. He carries a pack; what is true is that he carries nothing heavy while the arm is in ash. redacted sentence: unpublished prose

  1. [111] "redacted's lost four things this year, and I'm the fourth" does not add up, and "things" is the wrong noun for people. Her own list is three hands to Marsh, redacted's arm, and her — five people, or three losses plus herself. Replace: *"redacted redacted sentence: unpublished prose

11. [112] The teaching date conflicts with the schedule. "the college would want the seventeenth for the seventh's teaching in any case" — 113 puts the teaching on Days 89–92 (13–16 Saltmonth), before the seventeenth. redacted sentence: unpublished prose

  1. [110] The R. redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted sentence: unpublished prose It was signed R. Shore."*

  2. redacted sentence: unpublished prose VOICE.md §3.7: contaminated, and it goes whether or not it is good. Redraft all three from the scene's own material (redacted's boy's eleven lines; Mattie and Burl on the twenty-fourth; the printed circular).

  3. [111] Three further beats reproduce ch. 029 as quoted in redacted redacted sentence: unpublished prose Rewrite the frame and redacted's reply; the beats stay, the wording goes. (Also: 111 says six weeks of sharing a fire while 112 says eight weeks of watching them keep books — pick one and derive it from a date.)

  4. [111] redacted redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted sentence: unpublished prose

  5. redacted sentence: unpublished prose Cut the sentence: the named list (parishes, frost list, arm, the knot) already is the cost, and "That's what it cost" lands on it.

17. [111] "It's not telling me who. It's telling me when." Same rule, same character. Replace with her literal register: *"It won't tell me who. redacted sentence: unpublished prose

18. [111] "The day I stop counting is the day I stop noticing I've got it." Peri's third balanced/aphoristic construction in one scene. redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted sentence: unpublished prose

  1. redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted's answer immediately frames it as an agreement between more than two from a poly-common religion. Nothing is stated, but the shape is a betrothal scene. redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted's grandmother's-people sentence stay on agreements and being let out without the "largest thing you own" verdict that reads as a comment on what is between these two.

  2. [111] redacted's "I'm not saying it's wrong ... I'm saying it's the sum" is Edwin's definitional two-half construction (redacted.md 7a, "Not hers"). redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted sentence: unpublished prose

  3. redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted sentence: unpublished prose

  4. [111] The narration glosses redacted's arithmetic and tells the reader to notice.** "and did the sum aloud, which was a thing Edwin had never heard her do with days." Miles, dates and days are her lane in canon, so the gloss both announces and slightly misdescribes. Cut the clause after "aloud".

**23. [110] Peri's level speech is a counted template. *"Nine was the boy's book. Eight was the room. Seven was a gateway. Six was a whip. redacted sentence: unpublished prose Cut to two: *"Nine was the boy's book. redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted sentence: unpublished prose

  1. redacted sentence: unpublished prose No word in it that made it better than it was."* Banned construction, and the second half is a verdict. redacted sentence: unpublished prose

25. [110] "He wrote that the record was the record." Part 2, gesture at meaning — the tautology asserts significance and claims nothing. redacted sentence: unpublished prose

26. [110] "her eyes went to the corner of nothing" — Part 2/Part 6, a phrase that reads as weird rather than as sight. redacted sentence: unpublished prose

  1. [110] "He was Ossett's boy the way redacted's was redacted's" asks the reader to decode a comparison to an offstage boy. redacted sentence: unpublished prose

28. [110] Peri's closing note contains a banned-family phrase. "Still a shape like nothing." Part 2 (the shape of it and cousins). Replace: *"five. Still no pattern I can draw. redacted sentence: unpublished prose

29. [112] The opening announces, then the scene delivers the same information again. Sentence 1 states that he saw the line and did not read it; the following paragraph re-states it in full. Part 2, the announcing fragment. redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted redacted sentence: unpublished prose

30. [112] Anaphora triple in narration. "He saw that it was there. He saw that it was one line. He saw the date beside it..." edwin.md rule 4: plain at the peak, no anaphora. redacted sentence: unpublished prose

  1. redacted sentence: unpublished prose Replace: "That's all I've got. The rest is yours."

32. [112] "I'd read the one under the nineteenth as the same person who did those two, whatever it says." This is a verdict on the Seal-declaration in the mouth of the character bound never to hold an opinion about the Seal, immediately after she says she will not say what she thinks. Cut the sentence; her two attested facts plus "I've written both" is the whole of her lane.

33. [110, 111, 112] Three consecutive scenes end on writing; the binding list allows one. 110 ends on Peri writing under the map; 111 ends on "Write that under it, both of you"; 112 ends on Peri not writing redacted. 111's is the reckoning's payment and 112's is the scene's engine, so 110 is the one to change: move the fifth cross and the note up under the boy's departure, and end the scene on Edwin's line to the boy about Ossett's channel and his name in the next number.

34. [112] Dialect cluster. "you'll not get a spade through it", "I'll not carry it", "I'll not ask either of you" in adjacent speeches, one of them Peri's (good schools, none of the fen's idiom). "'ll not" is a warning sign, not a ban, but three in twelve lines is the register the 2026-08-31 ruling retired. Make two of them "won't", including Peri's.

  1. redacted sentence: unpublished prose The doubled because ... and because in the entry paragraph is the one to split into two sentences; the rest are load-bearing reasons and stay.

Device that a second round of comments would be about: the books-at-each-other apparatus. Across these three scenes almost every beat is transacted through a page — Peri writes under the map, Edwin writes under the twenty-first, redacted redacted sentence: unpublished prose redacted, and Edwin says "write that under it". The reckoning itself is paid in ink rather than in the room. To make it work, one of the three scenes has to settle without a pen in it: the stove conversation in 111 is the candidate, with redacted's "I've written both" moved to 112 where it already recurs.

Second device: redacted's day arithmetic. She now does the chart sum aloud (111), the accounts sum (111), and the roster dates (112) within four days of story time; that is three instances of one instrument, and the narration draws attention to it once. Keep the accounts, keep the boxed twenty-fifth, and let the chart sum be Peri's reading of redacted's terms rather than a second aloud sum.

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